Terrible boss. At some point in our lives, everyone will have at least one.
In my seemingly endless struggle to find a good, permanent, full-time position, terrible bosses were a big factor.
After I had a boss who physically abused two of my colleagues and verbally and emotionally abused us all enormously, I thought I couldn’t have a more terrible boss.
But last year I was wrong.
I had a great boss while …
Not long ago, I had a great boss. But I didn’t really like my job.
It was an incredibly exciting industry, but there was a lot of pressure and little training. Since this was within the framework of the justice system, the slightest mistake could have serious legal consequences.
However, after years of unemployment and underemployment, I was just happy to be able to work full time again.
With the full support of my boss, I tried to find my place in the organization. I started with one department, then moved on to another, and then filled out the third. I applied (and was interviewed) for two other positions in a secondary location. My boss even sent me to a career conference, hoping it would help me.
There were things I liked and disliked in every position, but I couldn’t imagine myself working for any of them for the rest of my career.
Then I experienced severe “false alarms” at work. Which at that time did not know only a false alarm. If this were in fact, it could be fatal.
I didn’t sleep all night, and the next day I didn’t go to work. I didn’t want to go back to work at all! But I didn’t want to be unemployed again either.
So I started to apply somewhere else very aggressively. And for the first time in my life, I was prescribed medication for anxiety.
I ignored the red flags
After a couple of weeks, I was offered a new job, and I agreed. I was delighted! I have never been able to find a job quickly!
The role was half administrative, half financial, and that’s where I hoped to go. I wanted to learn more than the financial things I have done in the past, and this seemed like a great opportunity.
Everything was falling into place so quickly; I completely ignored all the red flags that were there from the start.
I like how I felt during and after the interview. Or how my new manager, Mrs. Terrible Boss, gave me trouble because I wanted to give me two weeks’ notice, insisting that I quit and immediately start with her the next day.
Instead, I did everything I could to convince myself that accepting this new job was the right thing to do.
The worry from the “false alarm” was overwhelming. I couldn’t keep going back to the same office and getting into the same risky situation day after day, constantly worrying that this time it might not be “just a false alarm.” That I’m leaving the office this time in an ambulance — or worse.
I was vulnerable and desperate to get out, so I did.
Reality quickly replaced the honeymoon phase
My first few weeks in my new job went well! But Mrs. Terrible Boss did not keep herself waiting long to show her true face.
The position had been vacant for over six months and she was unhappy that it took me so long to catch up. So she began to implement arbitrarily and it is impossible to meet the deadlines. And I didn’t care when I tried to tell her that it was impossible.
The more I learned about the role, the more problems I discovered.
Hundreds of receipts without names or account numbers. Unmarked cash envelopes left in an unlocked drawer for several months.
Unpaid bills of hundreds of thousands of dollars are still owed to the department at least a few years ago.
All the things that Mrs. Terrible Boss knew nothing about and somehow didn’t care.
She just wanted me to fix annual errors within a few weeks. Like a new employee who was still in training and still learning about his role. At the same time, I try to make up for lost time and keep up with all the administrative half of the work.
I started to think that something was wrong with me
- Why didn’t I get it?
- Why was it so hard for me to do even a mediocre job?
- Why did I always have problems, no matter what I did?
So I started working during breaks and lunches. I even suggested working overtime on the weekends so that maybe I could make some progress.
Not that it matters.
My second monthly performance review went badly. Now I was told (for the first time) about all the other things that I was accused of doing wrong. None of them were correct. But any attempt to speak out or defend me at this meeting was thwarted.
I was told that due to my inability to meet the deadlines (which, as I told her many times, were impossible to meet), I was kept on probation for another two months.
I was not happy. And I, too, was not going to sit back and accept it.
I tried to stand up for myself, but …
I’m terrible at standing up for myself.
I try to avoid confrontation at all costs, even if it is my sanity and self-esteem. But Mrs. Terrible Boss was completely out of her mind.
Lying accusing me of things that happened years before I was hired – without offering me any support, advice or solution. Tried to scold me for what was a direct violation of labor laws.
So I contacted my union representative who told me that this is not the first time Mrs. Terrible Boss pulls out this crap. She even somehow got someone who didn’t work for the organization to be fired!
Then I did my homework. I had a table with the exact dates, times, and details of the respective conversations. Copies of emails, the Employment Standards Act and my union’s collective bargaining agreement are all highlighted and ready to go.
I was ready to stand up for myself. At least I was on paper.
In fact, however, this is not the case.
I wanted to get angry. I wanted to be angry and defend myself against her blatant lies and ridiculous accusations against me.
But I didn’t.
In truth, I could barely hold on.
Outside of work, life was terrible too.
At the time, my husband was on sick leave because his application was rejected and therefore he had no income. I couldn’t just leave, because then we wouldn’t have any income at all.
Then a sudden death occurred in his family.
And if that wasn’t enough, my almost 21-year-old cat’s health deteriorated significantly. My poor little old man was clearly suffering, and nothing we did helped him. We made the most painful and agonizing decision – to put him to sleep.
I was completely broken.
A few days before my initial probationary period ended, there was a large meeting attended by the union and HR.
… I was fired.
For the first time in my life I was fired.
Mrs. Terrible Boss had no good reason to fire me, but she didn’t need one. Since I was still on probation, I, the union, or anyone else could do nothing.
Again, she scoffed at getting what she wanted.
- I was crushed.
Shocked.
Humiliated.
I was again unemployed and a loser.
I wanted to give up.
It must get bad before it gets good
I know it’s hard to believe, but somehow getting fired turned out to be a good thing.
First, the good people at the employment insurance bureau totally agreed that I was fired for no good reason. Thus, they approved my claim. While I was not thrilled about getting EI benefits again, I was grateful for some income and time to find another job.
More importantly, it gave me time to grieve, to reflect on everything that had happened in the past few months, and to recover emotionally and morally after falling to the bottom.
And unemployment helped me find a great new job!
I wrote an entire post about this, but the bottom line is this: in Canada, you can work and receive employment insurance benefits at the same time.
This opened up many new possibilities for me, which I probably would not have thought about otherwise. Including a casual job contract, which I would be perfect for. I applied, had a great interview, and was offered a job!
Less than two weeks after starting as a temporary employee, they offered me a full-time temporary contract! A year later, they became permanent and permanent.
If I had not been fired and I could not use this program, I would not be able to afford to work only after hours and would not even apply. I would be missing out on this truly amazing opportunity.
Finding a job that I love has changed my life!
Now I come home from work every day happy, not unhappy. I look forward to Mondays, not afraid of them. I sleep well at night instead of constantly feeling drained. I feel useful and valuable, not useless and worthless.
Once again, I feel like I matter.
My husband said it best of all when he said: “I finally got my wife back.”
I was replaced by 5 people
I try to forget about this whole ordeal as much as possible, but it is almost impossible to do it, living in a small community.
Just like last week, when I unexpectedly ran into my former colleague in this job.
At first, this caused a lot of negative emotions. Even though she was very supportive of everything that happened and we had a good relationship, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to her too.
But I’m so glad I did it.
She told me that Mrs. Terrible Boss is still terrible. In a department with fewer than 20 employees, she fired three people and forced three more to resign in less than a year. And then she told me something that made everything even better (at least for me).
My previous position is now 5. FIVE!
Yeah – all the work I had to do alone is now done by five full-time employees!
I finally felt justified
The problem was Mrs. Terrible Boss’s serious lack of managerial skills and completely unrealistic expectations from the position. Not me.
I didn’t get the job done because I was in the mood to fail. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me or with my abilities. All this self-doubt that I had experienced for several months was actually related to her.
There was nothing I could do to be successful in this work.
(Unless, of course, I had made four clones of myself. But if I could have done that, I would not have wasted them on lousy work for $ 20 an hour!)
Finally, I have a real solution for this whole ordeal, aside from trying to forget that it happened in the first place. I can finally stop living in the past and stop berating myself for not doing or saying something else.
I feel like I can finally talk about it (or, in this case, write about it) and really start moving on.
Don’t let the horrible boss destroy you like I almost did
It’s almost impossible not to believe the humiliating and humiliating insult that a terrible boss puts on you day after day. Not only does this affect your productivity at work, but you also take their words and behavior with you.
Soon, a terrible boss can take over every aspect of your life.
Their negativity can turn you into a negative person. Their bullying can turn you into a bully. And their lies and manipulations can turn you into a deceitful manipulator.
They can destroy your confidence, your future career path, your professional relationships, your personal relationships, your mental health, your physical health.
Working for a terrible boss can even kill you or make you contemplate suicide.
If so, please help me very much. Here are some resources that include helpful information, personal stories, and crisis situations that you can call, text, send an email or chat with:
I almost let the dread boss destroy me. About something that had absolutely nothing to do with me or my abilities.
Please don’t let this happen to you.
This article originally appeared on The Money Mix and has been republished with permission.