Personal finance isn’t the most exciting topic in the world (unless you’re a nerd like me). So for this post, I thought I’d search the internet for some of the best money jokes I can find.
I hope you have as much fun reading these financial anecdotes, quotes and jokes as I did when I collected them!
Money jokes – quotes, anecdotes and jokes about personal finance
Money jokes: about relationships and marriage
There is a way to transfer funds that is even faster than e-banking. This is called marriage. – James Holt McGavran
1. Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of the wife’s sister’s husband. – HL Mencken
2. Acquaintance noun: a person we know well enough to borrow but not well enough to lend. – Ambrose Bierce
3. There is a way to transfer funds that is even faster than e-banking. This is called marriage. – James Holt McGavran
4. Love conquers everything except poverty and toothache. – Mae West
5. It’s money. I remember that ever since I was a bachelor. – Billy Crystal
Money jokes: ruin jokes
6. Dogs have no money. Isn’t that awesome? They broke their whole life. But they pass. Do you know why dogs don’t have money? .. No pockets. – Jerry Seinfeld
7. Everyone who lives within their means has a lack of imagination. – Oscar Wilde
8. If you think that nobody cares if you are alive, try skipping a couple of payments for the car. – Earl Wilson
9. The easiest way to find out about money for your children is not to have it. – Katherine Whitehorn
10. When people ask me if I have spare little things, I say that I have them in my spare wallet at home. – Nick Arnett
Money Jokes: Budget Jokes
You must always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. – Josh Billings
11. I don’t need money. This is what only the people who pay the bills want, and I never pay mine. – Oscar Wilde
12. People are living longer than ever before, which has undoubtedly become necessary due to the 30-year mortgage. – Doug Larson
13. You must always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. – Josh Billings
14. Carpe per diem – take a check. – Robin Williams
Financial jokes – quotes, jokes and jokes about business and economics
Economic anecdotes
In case you didn’t know, there is actually an economist who does comedy! Here is his most famous article on the ten principles of economics. If you’ve ever taken an economics class in college, prepare to question all your assumptions …
15. Economists report that college education adds several thousand dollars to a man’s lifetime income, which he then spends sending his son to college. – Bill Vaughn
16. Blessed are the young, for they will inherit the national debt. – Herbert Hoover
17. If all economists worked end-to-end, they would not have come to a conclusion. – George Bernard Shaw
18. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for a ten dollar haircut that you did for five dollars when you had hair. – Sam Ewing
19. The economy is about as dependent on economists as the weather is on weather forecasters. – Jean-Paul Kaufmann
20. I’m not worried about the deficit. It’s big enough to take care of itself. – Ronald Reagan
21. Mathematician, accountant and economist …
A mathematician, accountant and economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls the mathematician and asks: “What is two plus two?” The mathematician answers: “Four.” The interviewer asks: “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says: “Yes, exactly four.”
Then the interviewer calls the accountant and asks the same question: “What is two plus two?” The accountant says, “On average, four is plus or minus ten percent, but on average four.”
Then the interviewer calls the economist and asks the same question: “What is two plus two?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the curtain, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “How do you want him to equal?”
Income tax jokes (for accountants?)
The best way to educate kids about taxes is to eat 30% of their ice cream. – Bill Murray
22. Income tax returns are the most creative fiction they write today. – Herman Vuk
23. It’s time for taxes. I know this because I look at documents that don’t make sense to me, no matter how much beer I drink. – Dave Barry
24. Income tax made Americans more liars than golf. – Will Rogers
25. The best way to educate kids about taxes is to eat 30% of their ice cream. – Bill Murray
26. Our party has been accused of misleading the public by calling the tax increase “income increases.” Not this way. No one was deceived. – Dan Quayle
27. The trick is to stop thinking of it as “your” money. – IRS Auditor
Jokes about money and happiness
I want to be rich someday. Some people become so rich that they lose all respect for humanity. This is how rich I want to be. – Rita Rudner
28. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Luckily, I love money. – Jackie Mason
29. Someday I want to be rich. Some people become so rich that they lose all respect for humanity. This is how rich I want to be. – Rita Rudner
30. All I ask for is a chance to prove that money cannot make me happy. – Spike Milligan
31. Wealth is not without its advantages, and the opposite, although often cited, has never been convincing. – J.K. Galbraith
Business and Finance Jokes
If you owe the bank $ 100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $ 100 million, that’s the bank’s problem. – JP Getty
32. Advertising is the art of persuading people to spend money they don’t have on something they don’t need. – Will Rogers
33. The bank is the place that will lend you money if you prove that you do not need it. – Bob Hope
34. Finance is the art of transferring money from hand to hand until it finally disappears. – Robert W. Sarnoff
35. Every day I get up and go through the Forbes list of America’s richest people. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben
36. Business is the art of extracting money from someone else’s pocket without resorting to violence. – Max Amsterdam
37. If you owe the bank $ 100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $ 100 million, that’s the bank’s problem. – JP Getty
Stock market and investing jokes
38. There are two times in a person’s life when he should not speculate: when he cannot afford it, and when he can. – Mark Twain
39. Money relieves you of activities that you do not like. Since I don’t like to do almost everything, money will come in handy. – Groucho Marx
40. Q: How to make a million dollars in the stock market?
A: Start with two!
41. October: This is one of the most dangerous months for investing in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. – Mark Twain
42. I’m actually not sure how much money I have. But I know how much money I have. – Ron Swanson
Other jokes about money
One-liners and puns for money jokes
I live in constant fear that my child will become a famous artist or painter, and I will throw away about a trillion dollars of her work.
43. We live by the Golden Rule. Those with gold make the rules. – Buzzy Bawasi
44. I live in constant fear that my child will become a famous artist or painter, and I will throw away about a trillion dollars of her work.
45. I won $ 3 million in the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $ 2,999,999.75.
46. The other day my credit card was stolen, but I did not report it, because the thief spends less than my wife.
47. I think it is wrong that only one company makes the Monopoly game.
48. Always borrow money from a pessimist, he does not expect a refund.
49. I saw a bank that said that if it offers round-the-clock banking service. ” But I didn’t enter. I didn’t have that much time.
50. A long-term investment is a short-term investment that has failed.
51. Always play with other people’s money!
52. The market is strange. Every time one guy sells, the other buys, and both think they’re smart.
53. If you can count money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
54. The most successful investor was Noah. He went public while everything around him was liquidated.
55. The most successful female investor was the Pharaoh’s daughter. She went to the banks of the Nile and launched the prophet into the water.
56. A financial joke is a big test
One day a professor was giving his students a big test. He handed out all the tests and returned to his desk to wait.
At the end of the test, all students passed the tests back. The professor noticed that one of the students attached a $ 100 bill to his test, marked “Dollar for a point.”
In the next class, the professor took the graded tests again. This student got back his test, his test grade, and his $ 64 pass.
57. Money joke – 3 questions
A man who needs legal help goes to a lawyer’s office. After being escorted inside, he sits down at a table across from the lawyer. A man needs legal help, but first he wants to make sure he can afford it. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he is asking.
“Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $ 800 to answer three questions.”
“Don’t you think it’s a lot of money to answer three questions?”
“Yes,” the lawyer replies. “What’s your third question?”
Thanks to those who contributed to some of these jokes: